Problems with CCP...

CCP fucked me in the ass!

So I was talking smack while bored, normal thing for me to do, seeing as I have a large collection of smack to talk, and this one nub fag decides to report me. I'll give you some background on this guy. His name is Dwrrowdelf, he claims to be the king of Mya, though he never leaves station and only flys his Carrier. He is probably one of the most pussy pieces of trash in EVE I have met to this day, but enough about that little towel-headed camel jockey. So he said something I wasn't so keen on in local while I was in the middle of my mad smack talking spree, so I say: "thank you for the vote of confidence dwarrow, now why dont you get back to lighting your arm on fire and fist fucking that goat, eh?."The little bitch decides to petition me, something I have been though before, and the asshole GM who handled my case decides to ban me for 3 days. I get pissed so I send them an angry petition back asking for an unban. The next day I have no response so I make about 5 more petitions, making the subject lude shit like: "HOT 18 YEAR OLD NUDE PICS INSIDE" and other stuff along those lines and I bitch them out in other messages. I wait the 3 days, and I am not unbanned, I make a forum thread, and get responses from tons of homos who think they are superior because they aren't banned. After those idiots write their comments, a GM checks out my thread and closes it. Then, 3 days after my 3 day ban should have been over, I get a message from a GM apologizing for the actions of the other GM cause he shouldn't have banned me. Finally, 6 days after my 3 day ban was started I am unbanned, only to find my password doesn't even work. My old email is messed up too so I can't even receive the lost password email. So I get to wait another 6 or so days for CCP to get my petitions and fix this shit. WTF CCP? Everything about this has been bullshit and I think CCP needs to pull their shit together and fix it.

Epic Conversation

This is Probably the most epic conversation held in EVE... ever.

Osiris Anubis > . victory!

A Lunchbox > lol I think I have one of his in my hangar there too

Osiris Anubis > FUH-Q

A Lunchbox > nonono

A Lunchbox > FAH-KEW

Osiris Anubis > hahaha

Osiris Anubis > i like my way better

A Lunchbox > your way blows big floppy donkey dicks

Osiris Anubis > your way sucks giant blue-whale nuts

A Lunchbox > your way licks the creamy afterbirth of chinese gangbangs

A Lunchbox > yea there's really nothing you can say to that

Osiris Anubis > you way guzzels the cum of a autistic/hispanic cum dumpster

A Lunchbox > your way tongues the assholes of entire nations and doesn't even have the courteousy to give a reach around

Osiris Anubis > your way assfucks a gorrila spicies, no enema, no lube, no problem

A Lunchbox > your way is about as cool as guzzling a bucket full of aids

Osiris Anubis > your way is the defenition of gay, it basically stands for: "Got Aids Yet?"

A Lunchbox > I can't believe we're still going with this

Osiris Anubis > lol, id say we had some good ones in there

A Lunchbox > lol

Hardcore Killage (the following passage has been rated R for extreme kills and language)

The 3rd Basgerin Pirate Chronicle; moving up in ranks.

Recently I have been doing well... very well. I have been killing in a very high killed isk to lost isk ration, meaning that I am destroying way more expensive shit than I have been losing. I have been soloing battleships (and some of their support) in my Myrmidon, and this makes me feel good about myself. I know that I have 3 solo battleship kills, but I only remember 2 of them (I blame my memory on drinking, I am a pirate after all). 

The first one I remember was when I was killing a drake, now I had found this thing in an empty system sitting at 0 on a moon. I was trying to figure out if he was bait when I went for him. I locked him down and was slowly getting through his shields when I saw some dude from a corp that likes to lose ships to Bas Pirates come into local. This guy was a nub in an armageddon, so I wasn't worried. So the arm gets to our moon just as I a finishing off this drake, decent tank for no rigs and good damage, and the arm starts shooting. at this point I'm running on almost no cap boosters and adrenaline. A Lunchbox, a corp mate of mine who I'm speaking with on vent, tells me to GTFO, I say: "I crush" and proceeded to fight the arm, in my myrm, with I think 3 cap boosters. 

He actually jammed me a few times and could have escaped, but was too stupid to. I am almost finished with his armor (I did crush) when I have no cap boosters, about 50% armor and about 15% capacitor. I shut down everything non-essential, and even that is not enough, my warp disruptor turns off, I turn it back on, it turns back off, I get it online once more to hold him, just as I finish off his structure. This dude has lost a fair amount of shit to me, and that loss is just humiliating. Since then I have not seen him in anything bigger than a battlecruiser. 

(Just remembered my second battleship solo...lol)

So I am hunting some miners in a fun system not far from Basgerin, I keep getting so close to getting these annoying fucking miners, when they get away. They decide to bring in 2 friends as protection for them, their CEO and a member, CEO is in a hyperion, a ship I respect greatly, and their other member is in a hurricane, a ship I know I can take. Somehow we get to talking a lot of shit, no only from my side, and me and Po3tank get bored to we leave. I log back on a while later and decide to go back to the system they were mining at, where I find them on scan.

I warp to the belt I assume they are at, and as it turns out, they are there. I fully expect to lose my myrm to the hyp, but I hope to get the cane and a retriever first, then its worth it. I warp in, point 1 of the 2 retrievers, and try to kill the other retriever I didn't point before it gets out. The one I don't have a point on gets out and I take down the one pointed, 1/3 possible targets down. I move on to the second target, the cane, and I start taking him out when I think to myself, their damage sucks, probably cause the hyp is 25 km away. The cane falls, I move on to the hyp, for some reason he stuck around while I murdered his friends, at this point I'm outrepping this battleship with 1 repper, sweet. 

I get the hyp in disrupter range, and hold him down, and this dude in the hyp was both the CEO of this gay little corp, and the primary shit talker earlier. he takes a little time to burn through, but as I'm nearing structure, his corp mates ask me how much to let him go, I'm still pissed anyone thinks they could out-shittalk me, so I throw out 200 mill, way ore than his shits worth. They say no, I say crush, I do crush, and there goes 3/4 ships in their mining op, asta lavista, bitches! 

I'm talking to the cane pilot afterwards (the most chill of the 4), at this point the rest ran with their tails between their legs, and I say: "I expected that to be a suicide, and I had hoped for a better fight off the hyp." he says: "Me too". Lol his 2-3 year old CEO is a nub. GTFO bitch, this is my house. 

This was a kill I got about 20 min before my 3rd battleship solo. I am messing around in a system near my home Basgerin, on my solo exodus on my way to become a full, master pirate. The kills I have been getting in other systems have paid off and I am almost a Bas Pirate Master Pirate, an equal to the elite members.

So I am in my own myrm scanning for another myrm when I warp to where I see him on scan. He warps in on my planet just as I warp out, fucker! I tell him to fight me in local, and that I will win which he laughs at, so I fleet him and tell him to warp to me. After some goading, he finally does, at like 25 off. He gets drones on me and I burn it to him, and he's doing crap damage. I get my guns on him and rip him a new one when he gets out ecm drones and jams me, he trys to warp off, but I catch him again and pop his ass. His fitting was a fail and he tried to give me some bullshit about it being a gate killing fitting (it was terrible and expensive), so I give him some pointers, and tell him some tricks to use next time and such (he's 3 months older than me). Whatever, he's still a nub. 

3rd battleship solo:

So I just finished off this myrm, when I go back to the lowsec right next door and dock, change ships and decide to play a little in my ishkur. I suddenly see a raven and an arbitrator on scan, so I find them at an anomaly and warp in. They were running it and salvaging it for fun, so I warp out my ish, dock up, and get the myrm and go back to the anom I had bookmarked.

Nothing there. I just hoped to myself that they were dropping off salvage and coming back for more, I turn out to be right. I tell Meskalin over vent that I'm gonna kill a raven. This raven warps in first, I lock him down and go all out. He's doing ok damage, and I'm burning through cap boosters, then the arbitrator warps in. I shoo him away with my drones while I hit up the raven some more with my guns, and keep up the damage. 

After a while the arbitrator come back, and I am almost through the raven's shields. I focus on the raven this time, with no cap boosters left, and finally he's into armor. From there it was easy, and once I finished I got out with 22% structure left and no capacitor. I went to a safe spot and came back and scooped the loot. As I'm taking my reward, I see the raven pilot come back in a nub ship, I love it when they do that. He leaves as he sees me, and I decide to throw out a friendly "good fight" in local, to which the arbitrator pilot responds: "bullshit". I agree, it wasn't quite fair, next time that should have another battleship or battlecruiser at least. 

Enjoying my myrm greatly, as usual, like I do with all of my nice kills. The myrm, with the right skills, can be an incredible ship, by the way that raven had 2 shield rigs on him. I crush, I am Osiris, lord of the dead. Fear me.

Killing some nub in 1v1s

So I see this dude in local, I wasn't sure what he was about be he starts talking, and I see him in his Moa right outside station. I ask for a 1v1 and prod him till he grows the balls to fight me, Moa vs. Vexor. He finally decides to fight, we warp off and i throw out my drones and aggress him and he starts his shooting, everything is doing well, I'm popping his 3 drones and repping my armor, and suddenly my friend LoganFire uncloaks near us in some Amarr t2 cruiser, I forget what kind. I tell him I'm going to win and to not do anything, so he targets us just to watch. So we are going along, he has no more drones and is into structure, I'm at about 35% armor (repping fast and thats underestimating my armor amount). So he knows he's dead, we throw out good fight in local, I tell him I still will need to take his ship, and I finish up, grab loot and we are finished. He plays it off as just a few leftovers from a long time ago... bull... But whatever makes him feel better, Osiris 1, 1-2 year old player 0. 

So I'm fucking around like usual when this guy starts up a convo, turns out he just bought a Vexor and fitted it and is ready for a real 1v1, it's on like Donkey Kong kiddo. I tell him I'm still in Mya ready to kill him, he says planet 1, I think to myself this is a little sketchy cause we fought in a Safe Spot before, but its only a Vexor so I don't really care. I reaffirm with him no friends, he agrees, we fight, I'm winning (big surprise) when he has a corpie come into local. I hope this douchebag is just gonna watch, and I kill this guys Vexor just before he friend comes in. I pull in drones, and use my bag of tricks to try to get out, no go. He kills me and talks a little shit in local, loots everything and leaves before my Myrm is back on scene. I tell the guy I 1v1ed that wasn't really fair, then he reminds me that his friend came in after I killed him.... I guess thats cool then. Only a Vexor anyways. 

His friend said some stuff in local so I convoed him and told the nub to kill me, he messages me and calls me a noob (how original) talks about how he's a bad ass (still a nub) and so I shoot him a message back. He blocked me! What a little bitch, he has no balls. Well he can go eat a dick cause thats just about all he's good for, still 2 Osiris, 1 for that corp. Whatever, I still came out on top. 

Talking shit

Ok this isn't really a chronicle, but its about one of my favorite aspects of EVE and some other random stuff. 

I like to talk shit. I talk it in local, I send it in messages, I talk it to friends, enemies, people I really don't know, it really doesn't matter, because its so much fun. People tell me its pointless and immature, so guess what I do? I tell them to fuck off. I try to keep appropriate words in local, but if my shit-talking opponent will cuss, I have no inhibitions. I really don't care what you think about me, or what you say about me, cause if you say it to my face you will get an earful, and more. So recently this dude I guess from Texas, (obviously felt he needed to prove some stuff to someone he doesn't know, and someone who doesn't care) well I'll put this lightly: he got his punk ass blown up. He was afk on a low sec gate (lol) and I taught him a little lesson. So he isn't to happy I podded him (I'm a pirate... what do you think I would do to some afk pod on a gate) so he starts venting his anger in some messages, so I happily respond (I'm just nice like that). They aren't really very interesting, I'v had better, but he just insults me, my profession, my name, and my intelligence (he was the one afk...lol). So I'm talking shit right back, and for some reason he decides he will prove himself to me by telling me about himself in real life. So he first brings up how he went to Iraq or Afghanistan or some ethnic place no one wants to go right now. So now his name is Towelhead Cameljockey. I wont go to say his real in EVE name but he definitely knows who he is. 

Killed his Enyo again when he was ganging 10v2 against me and a corpie, thank you mesk for tanking that damage. I just popped out in my little Myrm, locked his crappy little shit and popped him before he could try to run. I was of no help in that skirmish, but we got 2 ships and lost 1 drone, thats a victory. 

One of my favorite ways to smack to an entire corp, is to find their recruiting channel. No joke, most corps have one and the CEO is usually there, I go in, post a killmail if I have one, talk some shit like how the guy lost his shit cause he sucks, then leave. Its entertaining. I have been banned from many public corp channels like this and I still do it. 

I used that type of Guerilla smack-talking to cuss out this dudes CEO when I was a super nub. I was just about to start pirating, and was auto-piloting through low-sec, the super-nub I was, when I was just checking up on myself and I was getting killed (not podded tho). I had seriously bought my sparkly clean cruiser 8 minutes before. I wasn't happy. I talked shit, then he pointed out I was a nub and in low-sec. I talked some shit, and left the channel. That was interesting... taught me a lesson. 

First time I was petitioned was in Neziel. I was kidding around with some losers in local, people who have no life, and was kidding about some stupid stuff and they petitioned me! I thought we were friends..... ok now I'm angry. Petition ban finished and I'm right back in local, cursing them out like none other. I have a very long list of curse words, and I exhausted it after about 30 sec, just before I was petitioned again... heh. Thats ok, we got back at them, killed a dude's fully t2 fit Falcon... guess what? He was afk cloaked (lol). Saw this in one guy's bio a long time ago: AFK Cloaked... lol. I agree. 

I killed a Manticore the other day, I guess he undocked and went afk or something because he was just moseying right along out of station. I'v seen mission bots fail like this and just keep moving without warping away, so I do what every pilot would do, I warped to the undock point, disrupted and webbed his little ship, and instapopped him. I didn't get the pod tho so maybe he disconnected or something. I went to his corp info looking for a channel to smack in, but found none. Do all my good kills happen when my victims are afk? Nope, but still some good ones do.

I came across a Brutix the other day doing an anomaly. Must have been a terrible fit cause he was almost to structure from the anomaly alone, I point/webbed him, and get him to about 35% structure when I decide ransoming him is a good idea. Recall drones, turn off guns, tell him my price in local, he is sitting there shooting me (never got through my shield and I armor tank) then suddenly the damage notifiers stop showing up...... You gotta be kidding... Yep, I just disconnected, crappy ass internet just lost my fucking kill... Of course he is thrilled. I get back on and I have an empty anomaly, and a message from him. This may not be exact words but he said: "How are you such a good pirate?". I respond with: "I didn't get to kill you..." He says: "Yea but you disconnected". At least he picked up on that. I just told him I have had some practice, its really cool when someone shoots you a message not cussing you out or acting superior, but is just chill about what just went on.

I like a fair 1v1. I do, I think almost everyone does. I went to 1v1 some crappy drake pilot cause I didn't like him and needed a kill. He comes to the belt, I engage in my Myrm, and his friend comes in a Prophesy. Being the trusting person I am, I assume his little friend is just here to watch... Nope. So neither of them were good players and didn't put out the DPS to break my tank and I'm tearing that drake apart, but they are doing enough damage and neuting me enough for me to be a little worried. I call in one of my buds because I'm not to happy about this becoming a 2v1. My friend come in a Domi, and rips that Proph apart before he can even try for a wild escape. By then I'm past armor in the Drake, and the Domi totally jacked my killmail. This corp was not to happy with me.... I have killed or helped kill 3 of their players, 2 BCs, 2 AF, they have been spending a lot of time around my systems, always in 10+ and they always fail to kill me and just end up losing their own ships. Good job guys, maybe someday.

So I 1v1ed a year old the other day. Hurricane v Myrmidon. I know the Myrm is superior, but this only proved it. He was plate tanking, and was set up to shoot up the Myrm's lowest resists. I won. It was a great fight tho. He honored a fair 1v1, and got me to half structure. He also had a friend in the system who came and watched in his pod so that there would be no interference. He was cool and we chatted after, this sorta made up for one of his corpies killing one of my corpies. I still want another shot at the other dude tho. He will get it someday... I will try to find something to write about again soon, I have been lazy, till then, fly dangerous. 

The killing begins

The 2nd chronicle

I made it to the mythical Basgerin (I would say god-forsaken, but there was a god there, in the name of the Basgerin Pirates). Waiting for me was a few Vexors, Thoraxes, and Incursus. I immediately started my training. I hopped into my Vexor (I realized this was the ship for me soon after, on the advise of a BP06 (short for Basgerin Pirate) named Sei. I never used a Thorax or Incursus after that. rezell started teaching me things I needed to know, such as scanning, and other things. This helped me out a lot, getting me some decent kills (when you start, people don't expect you to kill them and that makes it easier). I also got help from preiviously mentioned Sei, Meskalin, A Lunchbox (lol), and Ashmyd. Everyone contributed to my training. Within my first week, many things came at me fast, heres the list: I got my first completely solo very expensive kill and pod, lost my first Vexor as a pirate, and made many new enemies. First the Vexor loss, I lost it to a guy named JerichoSteele, for a kinda dumb reason. Like an impatient noob, I was bored and randomly wasting my ammo blowing up wrecks and getting global criminal. Jericho, seeing my less than decent sec stat, decided to pop me. I begged for my life in local (something I think is acceptable to this day if it will save your ship) but he popped me, not noticing I was less than a week old. To those interested, this was the chat in local (he still has this in his bio to this day): 

JerichoSteele > lunchbox!

Osiris Anubis > wait

Osiris Anubis > wait

Osiris Anubis > im in his corp

Osiris Anubis > dude wait

Osiris Anubis > im with him

Osiris Anubis > plz just listen

He invited me into his corp channel to talk about making the right decisions and other bullshit, and thats where a ship builder (whose name I do not remember but want to thank) convoed me and gave me a brand new Vexor. His reason was this: without you pirates, my business would be meaningless, so thank you for doing what you do (or something along those lines). Well, I continued on my pirating journey, unfazed because rezell had told me this would happen, a lot. To those curious, I got Jericho back for what he did (multiple times), with the help of my friends from BP06. On to the next big happening, I popped and podded a guy in a hulk! I was less than a week old, and this is still my biggest solo kill to this day, this guy lost a super expensive ship to a noob like me! Well I am still excited about that kill, it was great, and thats what pilots play for. I got a lot of other small ships after that, and lost a few Vexors as well. I slowly advanced in my pirating career, with every kill my heart beat so loud I could hear it, and my blood was rushing through my body. I would start shaking on every big kill, so much, that sometimes, I couldn't even type. I still get all of those symptoms, the symptoms of PAD, PVP Addiction Disorder. I love what I do to this day, along with the hate mail and threats in local. I love it when people hunt me, and try to scan me down, I have many many safe spots in my homeland, and if you find one, I delete it and make 2 more. To those who will try, good luck. A while after flying with BP06, I was voted in, and became part of the corp that had been my calling since I had started the game, Basgerin Pirates. I was immediately invited into the channels of our allies, and started hunting with them within the first few hours of my acceptance into BP06. I met and became friends with our co-pirates, the people we are friends with and fight with. And to think, I started out as a noob, a carebear, a miner. Even now, as a god of death in many low sec areas, I still consider myself rezell's apprentice. I may be young, but I have killed many older pilots, and if you have the balls to come to our domain, I invite you. 

(More chronicles soon to come)

The first days as a god of death

The 1st chronicle

Fuck this. Those were my thoughts as I began my mining career, Fuck this! I had just started Eve-online, now that I look back, I was a noob, a carebear, a miner (the most damning word of all). I had started EVE after my friend had showed it to me, just to pass the time. I had started mining because it was easy, and I hoped to make some good money off it. I never realized how boring it would be. So then I tried some missioning on my mining character (the name is confidential), that was tough because I was trying level 4 missions, in a destroyer with all my friends, they kept me well repped, but I still didn't know what I was doing. It was fun, but I had never tried PVP in EVE at that point. Everything was about to change. After a while of training my miner for combat, I realized it would be easier to start a new character, a fighting character. I made one, didn't like him, threw him away, made another and liked him. I remember my exact thoughts then, I'll name him after the Egyptian gods of death, Osiris and Anubis, at that point I thought I was gonna become a mission runner,  so I thought even though those are cool names, they don't apply to me... man was I wrong! So I get on my new character and do some little level 1 missions to get started, and watch the recruit channels, and advertise myself. I was looking for a fun way to make money, again I was stuck on the money idea in this game, I should have been playing for fun, but in all the other games I have ever played, money is life. Less so in eve. I was looking through the babel of recruitment spiels, when I saw one that got me a little excited. This one was from a rezell, and about becoming a pirate. Unlike any other, he didn't spam it or repeat it. He sent it once, and that was it. I was intrigued, even though I don't remember the exact post, it was something about taking on apprentices, and to message him. Like the carebear i was, I immediately tried to convo him, rejected. Then I read his message again and read the part about auto-rejecting convos... NOOB! I sent him a message, and he replied to me, man at this point I was sweating so bad, I was talking to a pirate, A PIRATE! I was still a carebear at that point and this was my first encounter with one, I had head about them before this, but never had been bothered by one. He sent me this cryptic message about bringing mods to a place called Basgerin, and he would start my training. I talked to a friend and he didn't know what rezell meant at that point, I though he meant mods as in rigs, and I couldn't use those. I was confused and thought I should ask questions, but then thought maybe it was a test, I didn't know what was up. So I was invited into a pirate channel, and started asking questions (while making a terrible setup for a ship). A guy in the channel told me I would have to 1v1 a much older player, this was Meskalin, and he was kidding. So I got my horrible setup together (not even equipped on the ship yet) and started on my journey to Basgerin in my Celestis. On the way there, I was auto-piloting and had walked up to my computer to check on it, and as it turned out I was in low-sec getting blown up... fuck my life. Well like the carebear I was, I cussed out the guy and then joined his corp channel, and cussed out him corp CEO and the entire corp as well, fun times. I never really apologized for that, so this counts as one in my book: my bad. So I kept on my way, shipless and pissed, not realizing this was exactly what I would be doing in the future.